I knew you were going to make me lonely
by Broekn
Summary: Ginny gets an unsuspected visit. Warnings: Mention of femmeslash, bad grammer/spelling, and it's my first story.


I awoke in a bed I knew wasn't my own; the sheets didn't feel like mine. My sheets were worn and old, these sheets were stiff and smelled like a babbling brook or whatever the container claimed to smell like. I could feel someone breathing on my bare shoulder; I hate the feeling of someone breathing on me. My face was staring at the alarm clock to my right; it read a quarter after nine in the morning. I groaned in my head as to not wake up the sleeping form next to me. When I got out of bed and located my pants, I pulled them on. I stopped wearing underwear after I found out it what I always forget to put back on the morning after, besides it only gets in the way really. I grabbed my shirt after I put on my bra and looked at the sleeping body still lying in the bed. At least this one was a brunette girl, and that was about as close I was ever going to get to have her back again. All I did with my life was go to bars and fuck everyone I could. And that's all they were to me, just random fucks.

The last time I made love was well over a year ago, but I fuck all the time. I shook my head at the absurdity of leaving a note or something, what would I write? 'Thanks for the shag. Don't try to find me.' As if that would be perfectly alright with anybody. So I just left like that, quietly as I could out the door, walking to my flat. My thoughts went back to the woman I had before all of this mess had happened. She made me feel like I was whole, like nothing could touch me. I was unstoppable when I was near her. Hermione. How I wish I could call her mine once more, she had just left one night.

I woke up during the middle of her packing; she said she was leaving because things weren't the same when we first started going together. I pleaded with her to stay a little longer; I told her I would change if it was I. she laughed and pulled out my pack of fags and threw them at me.

"I thought you quit."

I told her maybe she thought wrong.

The smile quickly dropped from her face and grew dark and cloudy.

"You already promised me you would quit."

Before I could defend myself she cut me off again by saying that I promised to change that, and that had failed. I said this time would be different, that we shouldn't end just because of one bad habit.

" What if you get worse habits Ginny? What if you just kept promising change but stand still. I refuse to live like this anymore." She smiled again trying to lighten the blow it left on my heart. I was in a daze after that, she keep asking me something but I didn't hear her. She nodded her head like my silence was the only answer she needed.

She left me with a slow kiss on the lips and a whisper that I will always replay in my head, " I always knew you didn't quit, your fingers always smelt of smoke when we fucked."

Hermione called it fucking, before she referred to our sex as making love. I didn't realize the difference as much as I do now. How a war could change so many things, I was never aware of what such a dire situation does to people. That's why I was hiding as a muggle now, my face was too well known in the wizarding world that Harry put me under protection. I hadn't heard from the real world, my world, in such a long time I had almost forgot where I hid my wand (under the armoire in the den in the black box, the key was taped under the toilet lid).

I crossed the street entering a park not to far from my place. It was small and nothing worth coming too. It was about three blocks long and four wide, with trees plants along the edges and around the paths. The trees so old their roots grew into the sidewalks and broke through them making them uneven and a task to get around on a bicycle. In the middle of the park all the paths meet up at a old faded green bronze statue, I had never took the time to find out why the man was so important but figured that he donated the land or money to the park. I took my fags out of my pant pocket and placed on between my lips, while searching for a light my phone went off, vibrating in the pocket. I pulled it out cursing when my cigarette fell from my mouth; I picked it up and put it back in checking the front display. It said "Tijana" and had a picture of the girl from last night; she must have put in her number herself after I fell asleep. I never gave out my number; it just complicated things even more than they had to be. I shoved my cell back in my pocket and found the lighter, at the bottom of my shoe of all places to be. I took a drag and sat in one of the many park benches, almost all of them unoccupied but one directly across from me on the other side of the park. I couldn't make the form very well through all the trees and distance. I sighed and blew the smoke out of my nose and let my head hang back staring through the canopy of trees to the morning sky. It was a dreary day so far and the clouds didn't look very forgiving to my lack of jacket. My phone vibrated again and I didn't even bother to check to see who it was, probably 'Tijana' calling again. I thought about the note I maybe should have left and the phone shook again signaling a voicemail. I sighed took another drag, letting it out in smoke rings I blew.

My phone went off again and I took it out ready to give Tijana a piece of me, but when I looked at my caller ID, it wasn't Tijana, it said Hermione and a picture of her smiling face filled my screen. I slowly answered it and listened for a second before I said hello, "I never thought you would answer."

But the statement echoed and I looked up to my right and saw Hermione standing down the path, walking towards me. Somehow my phone snapped shut and I choked on the smoke I was inhaling. Hermione frowned at the sight of seeing the fag hanging in my hand and myself doubled over coughing.

" I knew you would never quit," she remarked and I just shrugged, I was too stunned to act differently. " I always thought you loved those more than me."

That set me back even further on my heels, I slowly and deliberately put it back it my lips and took a slow long drag. Her smile turned into a sad one, she came and sat down beside me. Too close for my comfort so I shifted over a bit, I hoped she wouldn't notice but as always she did.

" Do I still make you that uncomfortable? I have seen you naked you know." I gulped and blew out the smoke from my nose, refusing to look at her. I heard her sigh and she looked away at the green statue of the man.

" It was hard to locate you, Harry didn't even want to tell me where you were. But after I told him why I was looking for you he told me, reluctantly I might add." She said trying to make small talk with me, trying to bait me into asking her why she had found me. When I didn't bite she sighing once again and set a smile back on her face and turned to me. " Well, this is for you."

And handed me a white envelope with 'Ginny' written on it in her writing, when I didn't take it at first she used her free hand to take my free hand and hold it. The small touch had sent shivers through out my body and the contact was quickly becoming unbearable. When the envelope was in my hand she still kept hold on me, " I never meant to hurt so bad you know?" Hermione told me, only then did I glance to her face.

I regretted it instantly; her honey brown eyes were growing red and filling with liquid. I did a half ass nod and looked away with my own tear filled eyes. "I mean I know how you have been lately, I watched you for about a week before I got the courage to see you today."

I had to look at her then, it was her turn not to be able to meet my eyes, I was cheered up that I made her at least a little nervous. "Ginny, really, you have been with quite a few people this past week." She said rubbing her hands together, as if her imagining me making other people squirm and moan underneath me made her uncomfortable.

I just shrugged again and took one of the last few drags on my fag and waited for her to continue as I blew out the smoke. When she didn't I told her they were just fucks and meant nothing. She noticed the reference to when she left and looked hurt, but I meant it to hurt. She deserved some pain for what she is still causing me to go through. She flashed her teeth at me again before she got up, "Well I really must get on my way. This war isn't going to fight itself."

She brushed off her butt from sitting on the bench and stood in front of me. " Hopefully you can make it." I thought she was talking about the war and watching her walk off and throwing one last smile at me over her shoulder. I muttered 'bitch' and inhaled the last of my habit and flicked it to the ground, I looked at the envelope I had forgot I had and decided to open it. Thinking my situation couldn't possibly get any worse then it is already. It was a small white card with some gold cursive writing on it, I was already in denial about what it was for. I slowly opened the card and a picture fell out, but I left it unnoticed while I read what was inside. I dropped the card to the ground and put my head between my knees gasping for breath that was suddenly hard to catch. The picture had fallen face up and was staring at me, Hermione was smiling and laughing at some behind the camera and then someone else came into view. His hair already telling me what I already knew; Hermione and Ron laughing and spinning together. Stopping to kiss and stare into each other's eyes. I couldn't take it anymore I picked up the card and picture and crumpled them into a ball and threw them into the garbage bin across the path from me. Hermione, the girl I only ever truly loved, was getting married to my brother. Hermione the girl I would go to the ends of the world and back was leaving me forever and there was nothing I could do about it. I looked to where the butt of the fag fell, in between a crack that a root had caused, stuck between a hard place like myself. I took out another cigarette and lit it, sucking in the smoke. I wiped the remaining tears off my eyes and stood up shakily, I took out my phone and dialed Tijana back.

I would need a date for this wedding and maybe I could finally make love again.


End file.
